Valentine's gift on a shoestring budget

Remember school days? All those craft work that you did... put those skills to use on Valentine's day !

Crane Operator job openings

How tall can u get with your career?

Couple of funny videos

Kung fu fighting and some fun

Email Commandments

Thou shalt include a clear and specific subject line.

Thou shalt edit any quoted text down to the minimum thou needest.

Thou shalt read thine own message thrice before sendest it.

Thou shalt ponder how thy recipient might react to thy message.

Thou shalt check thy spelling and thy grammar.

Thou shalt not curse, flame, spam or USE all CAPS.

Thou shalt not forward any chain letter.

Thou shalt not rely on the privacy of email, especially from work.

Thou shalt not use email for any illegal or unethical purpose.

When in doubt, save thy message overnight and reread it in the light of the dawn.

And, the Golden Rule of email:
That which thou findest hateful to receive, sendest thou not unto others.

myLot User Profile

Lawyers to change light bulb

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? This is a question that's been at the forefront of discussion amongst the most prestigious scholars and lawmakers of the world. Finally, after getting them all together - the question has been answered.

A: Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement. Whereas the party of the first part, also known as 'the lawyers' and the party of the second part, also known as 'the light bulb' do hereby agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e. the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (North) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just through the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spilloverillumination being at the option of the party of the second part and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

The party of the first part shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part and rotate the party of the second part in a counter clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part shall be undertaken by the party of the first part to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part, notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part to perform the customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure ofthe party of the second part may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as the non-negotiable directional codicil is observed bythe party of the first part throughout.

2. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part becomes seperated from the party of the third part, also known as the 'receptacle', the party of the first part shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local, and federal statutes.

3. Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part shall have the option of beginning the installation of the party of the fourth part, also known as 'new light bulb'. This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse procedures described in step one of this self same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable and only untilthe party of the fourth part becomes snug in the party of the third part and in fact becomes the party of the second part.

Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part, by said party of the first part, or by his or her heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him or her to do sum the objective being to produce a level ofillumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (North) door consistent with maximisation of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as 'The Firm'.

Recession woes

The Economy Is So Bad That...

* I got a pre-declined credit card offer in the mail.
* Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
* Parents in Bevery Hills are considering raising their own children.
* I saw the CEO of Wal-Mart shopping at Wal-Mart.
* Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
* A prostitute asked me if she could borrow $20 until she can get back on her back.
* I saw a van full of legal immigrants illegally crossing the border into Mexico.
* I saw four CEOs playing miniature golf.
* Even people who aren't in Barack Obama's cabinet aren't paying taxes.

Oh wait, that's only 9 of them... darn recession is scaling down everything.

Tiger Woods Jokes

* When asked by the police how many times she hit Tiger, Elin replied "I'm not sure, put me down for a 5"
* I think Tiger needs a new driver, his current shaft keeps getting him in trouble!
* I read that the PGA are now investigating Tiger for having too many "woodies" in his bag!
* Tiger and Elin will get back together because she is already hitting on him.
* After scoring a couple of beautiful birdies earlier on, Tiger finds himself in serious trouble at the last hole, coming home.
* Did Elin use a "rescue club" to extract him from the Escalade?
* Tiger was found exactly two club lengths from his car due to a lost ball penalty - if the cops would have arrived a minute later he'd have lost the other one as well.
* Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash, but he's still below par.
* What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing.
* Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.
* Tiger's tip for wayward golfers: never ask your wife to keep track of your balls.
* I always knew Woods was a better putter than driver.
* Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.
* What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 300 yards.
* If Elin really did whack Tiger a couple of times with a golf club, it would have been in line with the rules of golf: there's a 2-stroke penalty for playing the wrong hole.
* Hey Adidas, this is Tiger, Nike found your number in my phone. I need you to change your name...